thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
