no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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