I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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