u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize