So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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