I am spending my child support on dildos
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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