think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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