I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We are two peas in an std pod
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
