She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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