Cold hands, warm shart.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize