No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
