Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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