is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
