she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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