I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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