DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
