i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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