i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
