You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
