can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
