it hurts more in the daytime
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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