I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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