The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
