it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
