you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
