Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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