You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize