someone threw a dead crab at me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
