Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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