Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
