I'm lost and stupid without you.
the day after is always just damage control
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
