she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize