You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
