I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
