my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
