nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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