So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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