Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
