it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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