you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The air was thick with penises
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
