she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
