Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
