the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
