I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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