Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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