ya dads aren't the best wingmen
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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