Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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