I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I could make wine with my vomit
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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