How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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