How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
