My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
