garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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