I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
