I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
