I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize