I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
