some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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