hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
