New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
third nipple confirmed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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