Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
