I want to stick my p in your. b.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
