wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize