operation harelip BJ is a go
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
