I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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