I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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