I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
