Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
