Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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