I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize