I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
