Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
FUCK WHALES
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
