I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This house was built for laser tag.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
