I hope mine doesn't look like that
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
