i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
