Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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