i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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