He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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