I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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