when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
