Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
