I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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