i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
