she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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