So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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