hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
