So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
