The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
