Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
