it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize