I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize