we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
