My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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